Time passes - so do people...

A lot of time has passed since last I blogged here. I have also seen a number of people about whom I care pass away too. It's the nature of life that at some point it comes to an end but it's never an easy thing with which to deal. In the same period, a new life was born into our family. So, goes the cycle of loss and rebirth. It is an amazing invention of our Lord and Father.

Now that I am older I think about my own mortality more. I guess that's natural. Still, when you are young and you think your entire life is laid out before you, it seems an eternity. However, when you get to where I am at, somehow it seems all too brief and you start to do the math on the closing end of the deal and the numbers begin to look far too small that reflect the rest of the time you have left on this planet. So, you give a lot more thought to what's important it seems.

I don't think anyone really wants to live forever do they? I mean, if they really think about it? If you live forever, that means all the things with which you associated as you grew up from childhood to adulthood slowly fade away. You lose your parents, eventually you would lose your siblings if you were lucky enough to have them. Finally you would lose your children and even your grand children and so on. You also lose your connection to the world. The sense of who you are or were is based upon, to a large extent, the years you lived through. For example, I am a child of the 50s and 60s so I recall a number of things that happened back then including the loss of a president to an assassin, a war that nobody wanted with lost young lives, and some good things like the music of the times and music lessons with my grandmother - a lifetime gift she passed on to me. I in turn passed it on best I could to my children. A love for music is a wonderful gift to give your kids. But I digress. So, my connection to this world dates to the 50s (somewhat though I was quite young) but definitely to the 60s and 70s and so on.

I suppose one of the things we think about when we think about our 'era' or period of life in growing up is the media that entertained us through that period - people who acted on TV and in movies and muscians who record music (on vinyl records no less) and sports casters, sports players, news commentators, even weather men. There was a certain level of comfort in seeing those same people over and over in the media of the time. The movie actors and other celebrities we enjoyed following and the TV actors and shows we enjoyed were very different back then. As I have aged, I have watched as most of those stars have passed away. I am already disconnected from that time period by many years and young people today have no clue about that era other than what they think they know from watching 'historical' footage of the period. As each showbiz personality or media celebrity I liked passes away, my place in history, my connection to the world, seems to shrink. Today there is a new history being written every day, but it doesn't feel like mine. Today there are many 'stars' on TV and in movies and there are many music performers who are 'hot' right now and by and large, I know nothing about any of them. I knew quite a lot about the ones from my era but nothing much of the ones from today. I don't know if that's because of a lack of interest on my part or just because I just don't relate to them, their music, their style of performance, acting, etc. I don't know. I just know with the passing of each person (good or bad) who represents the years when I was growing up, I feel more of a disconnection from the world. That's a very odd thing.

A lot and I mean a LOT of my high school associates who graduated the same year I did are now deceased. Some died from accidents, many died from illness of one type or another. So, even the population or 'baby boom' out of which I exploded is now dwindling quickly. In fact, I consider myself to be very blessed to still be around when many of them died much younger than me. I don't know that I was fast friends with most of those people but it's just another moment in which I feel less connected to the world and specifically 'my era' as the population of students who graduated with me that year - dwindles.

This all sounds rather melodramatic I suppose and that's not the intent. I started with the question of would people want to live forever? I think maybe Ponce de Leone might have wanted it according to traditional history but if he had obtained it (that elusive fountain of youth), I doubt he would have enjoyed it really - at least not in the long long term.

I'm happy enough and my focus now in terms of what I want out of this world is all about my family. I think I've done most of all I wanted to do career-wise. Fourty six years of engineering is probably enough for most anyone in terms of trying different things. However, that doesn't stop me from wanting to keep learning about all things technical and experimenting with new technology as I have opportunity - I just find myself reaching the point where I tire of doing it for the 'man' just to earn a living. I'd like to direct my own future (as much as anyone can) in the last years of my life. Guess we will see how that goes.

On a positive note, looking back over my life, I feel extremely blessed by God. I have a beautiful family including my sweet partner of many decades, my wife Sheila and my beautiful adult 'kids' and now an offspring of theirs. I've enjoyed a very diverse engineering career with good income from each job so I'm grateful for that. We've had our share of challenges as a family for sure but nothing we couldn't get through with God's help. I am so very grateful for that too. So, all in all, I'm glad I have lived the years I have lived and done the things I have done.

Life will go on as long as God wills, and then, the next phase. What that holds, no one knows outside of some rather indirect glympses we can obtain from the Bible. It sounds good and full of love and that's sufficient to me if that's how it turns out though it is scary to contemplate crossing that border; even for a person of faith.

I guess we will see how it goes. Hopefully I have years left yet to watch a grandchild or two grow up. We will see. Still I'll be grateful even if I don't cause the years preceding that will have been good ones to me. So, no, I wouldn't want to live forever. Long enough to see my family well cared for and able to manage without me? Sure. But not forever. Eventually all the memories of people and places and things that were dear to me will be gone and I would be surrounded by people who did not have those connections or hold those same things dear - so no thanks to that. Life is a mystery. Death and what lies beyond it is an even bigger mystery.

While we are here - love is what counts. Love is what it is all about. To be loved, to feel love and to offer love to others is indeed one of God's greatest gifts to mankind. I hope you feel loved by someone too!